Monday, January 09, 2006

Not A Moment Too Soon

Blogger is freaking out. This is way overdue.


I've found a new blog service that has some cool features and I like the template on it. So I will be keeping this blog up for comments, but it will have no new content.When I have the other blog ready, I will post up a link :)

Sunday, January 08, 2006

Monsters in the Parasol

Yes, it's confirmed. Ignorance IS bliss. Good to know so I can avoid such skewed views. Makes my life a WHOLE lot easier.

You Say Slut Like It's a Bad Thing

I read things from all over the internet. I frequent one forum from StripperWeb and thought this was an interesting, thoughtful, and quite humerous post.
From LemonLime#SW-
"A slut's perspective.I'm speaking as a slut. So before someone goes, "Hey, you're a slut!" Um, yeah, I know. Get over it. Anyway, I'd like to put an end to some incorrect rumors.
Myth: Sluts have no respect for themselves.
Fact: I have plenty of respect for myself. I have sex with multiple partners because I enjoy sex, and I don't like being tied down to one guy for too long. I enjoy my freedom. I'm sure this will change at some point. My biological clock will start ticking, and I'll start thinking more about the future. At some point, I will start thinking more seriously about wanting to spend my life with someone. But for now, I'm young and enjoying myself. And I'd have to say that I have a lot more respect for myself than the girls who stay chaste simply because they're afraid of being labeled by men. I have enough respect for myself to accept and embrace my needs.
Myth: All sluts are crawling with disease.
Fact: While many sluts probably are crawling with disease, those of us with any intelligence whatsoever are really careful. I have NO STDs. I always use a condom for sex and blow jobs, and I always use a dental dam when a guy's going down on me. I'm also on the pill. I get tested often, and I can safely say that I have never contracted an STD.
Myth: A slut will fuck anyone. Especially you.
Fact: I can get just about any guy I want. That means that I can and do have high standards. If I fucked every guy who wanted me, I'd have no time for work, school, eating, or sleep. Even if I had sex 24 hours a day, seven days a week, I still wouldn't be able to fulfill all the guys who want me. So, as you can see, I won't fuck you just because you have a penis. My standards are too high for that.
Myth: Anyone who doesn't want to be a woman from the 50's who gets off doing laundry and making dinner and being a slave for her big strong husband hates men and is a lesbian.
Fact: Obviously I don't hate men. If I hated men, I wouldn't fuck them. The last time I checked, slavery was abolished in 1865 with the 13th Amendment. While many women are content to spend their lives cooking and cleaning, I'm not. That doesn't mean that I don't respect these women for being able to live in their lifestyle, and I certainly don't think less of them for it, it's not the lifestyle I would choose for myself, or one I could tolerate. And I will NEVER get myself into a relationship where the man is in charge and I'm just along for the ride. Nor will I get myself into a relationship where my man has no balls and smiles meekly at everything I say. When I find the man who I can settle down with, we will have an equal relationship. I don't want a tyrant or a push-over. I want a man.
Myth: Any woman who wants a man to treat her like a woman instead of like shit is a needy bitch who is just after the man's money.
Fact: How would you feel if your date showed up with dirty, baggy clothes on, smelled from not having showered for too long, ate with her hands, and talked about herself the entire night? You probably wouldn't want to go on a second date. We put in effort to look our best on dates. We put in effort to make the guy feel special. In return, we expect to be treated decently. Trust me, if you act like a gentleman, your chance of getting that second date increases exponentially. It's not that we're needy, it's just that we like to feel appreciated, just like everyone else.
Myth: Sluts are just trying to steal my man.
Fact: I am not a homewrecker. I think it's horrible when girls go out of their way to get a guy just because he's married. I mentioned earlier that I could get just about any guy I wanted. I don't want any man who has a significant other. I'm just not interested.
Myth: Women are all whores, men are all bastards.
Fact: There are plenty of non-whores out there for you non-bastards.
Myth: No man will ever want a serious relationship with me or any other slut.
Fact: Fact of the matter is, I finally got married about six years ago.No money, nothing. Just another young couple starting out.I guess this makes me an ex slut. Hey, it can happen!"

I love open-minded people who don't give two shits about people who only follow stereotypes like this. The term 'slut' is so overused lately it makes me sick. Many times the term is used with no justification or without knowing the individual. Being a dancer, this term is no stranger to me.But it doesn't hurt my feelings. I'm completely faithful to my partner and I know this.I don't have to prove anything just because I'm a dancer. The people who will give dancers shit are usually people who have
A)Never step foot in a strip club
B)Choose to follow the herd and simply believe every stereotype without bothering to further investigate.
Ignorance is bliss?

52 Questions

Some questions are missing if I didn't answer them. If you would have saw them, you'd have known why.

1. What would you say is the most profound advice you've ever been given (and did you heed it)
Make your own choices.You never want to go around living somebody else's life because you never followed your own. Yes, I've been getting better at heeding it too.
2. Who, for you, is an idol? Why are they your idol?
I don't have an idol. I have people I admire, but I don't think that's the same thing. Idolization tends to make you think in black and white, putting perceived perfection on a pedestal. And that doesn't do anything but make us as people feel less important. I do however admire several musician's playing and writing abilities and the closest thing I have to an "idol" is Jonathan Davis from Korn.He has been through so much crap it's unreal, but he has managed to get through his problems and make great music as a bonus.
3. When, during the day, are you in your best mood, and why?
Evening. I tend to be in my most awake and productive state. I am such a night person, I function sub par during the daylight hours.
4. When you wake, what do you normally think of first? What day of the week is it ?
I think that I shouldn't be getting up yet.It always feels like Monday.
5. If you could choose doing the washing up or drying up, which one would it be? ( I have a dishwasher is not acceptable)
Drying up.
6. How often do you pretend you can't hear your phone ringing (mobile or land line) cos you cant be arsed to answer it?
7. What are your favourite recipes that never go wrong and that the kids eat?
I can't cook worth shit, even though I've tried. I am in a perpetual state of having given up.
8. What did you do on your 11th birthday?
I've no idea
9. ______ is sexy But._____ is sexier.
Intelligence, sense of humor.
10. Where would you like to live if you had to leave your country and why? Australia. Good weather and I heard that jobs are good there too.
11. What would be your dream job?
Composer and/or auto import tuner.
12. Do you keep in contact with anyone from your school days? Tell us something about your oldest and closest friends.
Not really. They've gone and disappeared into their own lives and I mine. Does that mean I wouldn't ever contact them?No. I just prefer to continue with my own life;if they happen to cross my path again I will smile and say hello. My oldest and closest friend would probably be my friend Elisha.She's 3 years younger than me but we get each other completely. Our lives have been separated lately because she's about to graduate high school and I'm planning my future, but I know she's always there for me and I her.
13. What most important ingredient would naturally to offer, to help ensure that such a relationship developed?
Open minded.
14. What important aspect of you do you feel would contribute towards this ideal. I will listen with a bias-free perception.
15. Do you feel that you have depths (of feelings, ideas, attitudes) that have not yet been shared by another person? If so, maybe explain??
Do I have depths?Yes.Have I shared them?Not completely.
16. Where would you like to be at the moment (and for how long and why?) (Children and work and money permitting ?)
I'd like to be in Wisconsin spending time with my family.
17. What is the biggest mistake you have ever made, in the sense that it affected your life adversely?
Being too trusting. It got me in trouble and now it will never go away.
18. Name 5 things that give you joy.
Food, Sex, love,music,writing.
19. What is the worst UDI (Unidentifiable Drinking Injury) you've ever had?
None so far.
20. Do you prefer living in Belguim to living in the UK, & why?
Another trick question as I have never really lived in the UK.
21. Why are you so nice as to invite a load of complete strangers to your house every summer for a BBQ?!!
I don't...
22. Where do you want to be in 5 years from now?
Enjoying my life more.Healthier, more content.
23. Did you regret anything so far?
Of course!
24. The place you wanna live if you would have tons of money.
I wouldn't want to stay in one place, I would travel.
26. What thoughts predominate that mind right now?
I'm going back to sleep soon...
27. Lastly, what did you look for in your men and have you found it ?
I don't think that I ever 'looked' for anything in my past relationships, per se, but if there is no sight of a sense of humor, then forget it.
28. Why are you so evil?
Because people are all mixtures of good and evil.Some people's evil is a bit higher than others.
29. Why do your powers seem to be blunted when faced with the might of Flobster International?
30. How come evil is so sexy?
Because it's reckless and fun.
31. What made you abandon your calling to become a monk?
Never had one so far...
32. Is red wine really better for you than trappist beers?
Wouldn't know. I don't like beer.
34. Do you think there is a difference between you being around other people or other people being around you?
There is a huge difference. If I'm around other people, it's because I want to be. If other people are around me, I don't necessarily want them to be there - and they are very often not the people I want to have around me in the first place.
35. Have you ever had a simple decision in front of you and known it could change everything?
No.Every decision in life has the ability to change everything.
37. What would you do with the perfect snowball? I'd throw it at someone
38. You're gorgeous, what's your secret?
Reckless abandon.
39. How many times a month do you clip your toe nails?
Um, a lot?
40. How many sugars in your coffee?
Too many to count. I hate coffee.
41. You take your tea with or without milk?
Ick, I hate tea.
42. You are generous and loyal, now that i spot it out, are you going to change anything?
43. You have some parsley stuck between your teeth, are you going to remove it or enjoy walking around with it seeing people's reaction?
Remove it, lol.
44. What do you value most in life?
Loyalty and love.
45. Do you ever have fantasies about other men during your love-making with your present partner?
Not my present, but with ex-boyfriend's who were lucklustful in bed.
46. What is your biggest regret?
Going to college for a degree to please somebody else.
47. You have a chance to commit a crime - the perfect crime, as you'll get away scot-free and no one will ever know a thing. What crime would you commit, and why?
Rob a bank! I'm in such desperate need of money right now...
48. Donkey or worm? (think carefully before you answer this one). Donkey, I think. They're more useful. They can also make an ass of themselves and no one cares.
49. Belgian men - what's the reason for them?
Same as an American man?
50. What languages do you speak?
English and some spanish.
51. What countries have you visited?
52. What's your favourite colour?
Black and red.

50 Things You Didn't Know About Michelle

My 50,as result of my Boredom:

  1. I was born 2 days late...Might explain why I'm late to everything;I was born with my internal clock off a bit.
  2. Too much sun makes me cranky. Must be why I dislike Arizona most of the time...
  3. I prefer overcast, windy days to sunny ones.
  4. I prefer to get married in September on a beach where it's overcast, windy, and about to rain. I've heard California is the place to go.
  5. I love shoes.I have drawers full of all kinds.Some have never been worn once.
  6. I much prefer a guy with extra meat on his bones as opposed to skinny guys. It seems these men know how to really hold women without thinking we'll break.
  7. I have a bi-racial extended family.African American, European,Asian,Native American, Scandinavian, Dutch, and American. I'm such a mutt.
  8. I much prefer to be "One of the Boys".
  9. Most woman are way too catty for me. Those I like know who they are...
  10. I used to collect hats, but realized that I never wore them.
  11. I actually like performing on a stage. All other parts of my life I prefer to blend in.
  12. I am a internet forum junkie.
  13. I eat more than most men I know. Guess I'd better enjoy that while it lasts.
  14. I've never met my Dad's father, so I have no grandfathers.
  15. I wasn't allowed to get my driver's license until I had $1,000 in the bank.
  16. My mom was afraid that the Chevy Corsica would have been too big for my first car.
  17. Clowns freak me out,yet my childhood favorite toy was a clown doll.
  18. I like all types of music except gangster rap.
  19. Even as a dancer, I still don't feel all that girly. I'm still ignorant about doing my own hair and things like self-tanner are a mystery to me...
  20. I could never stand musicals until I saw Moulin Rouge. Then I became hooked.
  21. I don't have a "type". Everyone has a fair shot until proven unworthy.
  22. I can't drink worth a shit.
  23. I don't like to gamble.
  24. I've never been outside the country, besides Mexico.
  25. I once dated a man who didn't like the sound of a guitar.He said any music with them was demonic.
  26. There are some words I just can't pronounce.
  27. I hate apples but love apple juice. Just like carrots:raw, not cooked.
  28. I have no desire to go to Hawaii.I'd rather go to Egypt.
  29. I miss the snow and cold of Wisconsin.
  30. My nose is crooked.Yeah, real cute...
  31. I quote "Bad Santa" all of the time.
  32. I've written my own music.
  33. I really don't find tall jokes cute.Never did.
  34. I am not afraid to wear heels. I currently dance in 7 inch stilettoes with a platform.
  35. I dream of being the female version of Chip Foose.
  36. I believe appearance is every bit as important as performance in vehicles.
  37. I appreciate simplicty.
  38. I was a virgin until I was 18.
  39. I think porn is funny and can't watch it without laughing.
  40. I like the articles in FHM.
  41. I can appreciate some of Britney Spears' music.
  42. I have music running on random in my mind at any given time.
  43. Instead of just listening to music, I am trying to figure out the notes and arrangement of the song.
  44. I've starred in 2 musicals.
  45. I dropped drama for band in high school and never quite got back into it.
  46. I love to sing.
  47. I don't like the phone.
  48. I have limited patience for people in general.
  49. Kids annoy me.I wish they'd come into the world with the intelligence of an adult.
  50. I think Robert Englund is sexy with or without the Freddy costume.

Saturday, January 07, 2006

I Asked for It

This is what you get when you decide to dance for a living....

Friday, January 06, 2006

Living Dead Girl

Why is is so hard for a tired person to sleep? You'd think it would be relatively easy to sleep when your eyes are drooping, your brain feels numb, and your movements slow down. But I just can't seem to get one refreshing nights sleep to save my life! Ok, so drinking Pepsi doesn't help, but I've never been much of a water drinker. I am so bizarre in that sense-water does not have enough flavor for me. Yet flavored water makes me gag. My drink of choice IS milk, but it's not as though we have a lot. Since money is tight, trying to reserve milk for meals. I must be tired, I'm rambling about beverages! Right now funny lights are flashing before my eyes...
Brain is tired.So why won't brain turn off?

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Back Again

This blog is going to become active again.

Saturday, June 18, 2005


I figured I'd elaborate more on an issue addressed in my post last night, as I got a comment from PC about it.
Recall that I was talking about falling for men online who actually provided me with some support to talk my problems out with, as I said Jay wasn't good at this.
Now it may have seemed like I was saying I just gave up on trying to get Jay to talk to me when I need it, but that's certainly not the case. Yes, I have expressed a great desire to be able to talk to him in depth about certain issues and listening and making judgements to my problems in general. To this, he is speechless, having never been a big talker. He simply does not know what to say, as he's never been one to talk about things like problems, feelings, etc. I've asked him a couple times to do this for me, as I need the communication, to that he gets defensive. He's not sure what I want him to say, not sure what to say period. He's not the best with words. It does frusterate him quite a bit, so after asking so many times, I just backed off. I can accept that he's not that kind of person. All I care about is that he is there for me and still does listen. He actually encourages me to talk to someone else who can speak those words of wisdom women every so often need. Even if I develop a crush on someone for this, he is confident my love always comes back to him, and he is right.
Now, I do have to say, he's not totally incompetant in communication. It seems as though once he feels like my problems are in danger of swallowing me whole, he actually does think of something to say. Especially if it is in an area of experience in which he has gone through. So he is there when push comes to shove, it's just very few and far between when he actually knows what to say.
So don't fear PC, we're doing fine.:)

Friday, June 17, 2005

That's Amore

I hate Arizona and its fucking right to work policy. They can fire you for whatever the fuck they want, no questions asked. Which was the case today. I was forced to "voluntarily separate" from InfoNXX. Oxymoron, yeah, but that's what I was told. Just because some idot manager didn't do his job, I was accused of job abandonement when I went home sick. It's really just a big load of horse shit, so I'd rather not get into detail. You get the gist of it. Basically I got nailed because of lying, incompetent people trying to run a business half assed.

Their loss, I was one of the faster and efficient employees in training. Idiots.

Oh well, I will not be bitter. No sense in it really. I already have an interview lined up on Monday. It's for a serving position at a senoir community, much like another place I used to work, so I already know how to do the job.

Even though I've had to quit the job, I feel like I am slowly recovering from my life that was. I'm more upbeat and optimistic. Maybe because I realize that life will get better, just takes a little patience. Although all I want right now is not patience, but something to make my problems go away in a snap. But alas, the world is too simple for that, people must dig themselves out of their own hell holes slowly. Woe is me then? No, not really. I'm smart enough to realize that I'm not the only person suffering in this world, and that mylife isprobably better then somebody else's out there.

You know what bugs me? I've really been pondering it lately. Anytime I meet a guy online and he's nice to me, I seem to fall for him. Especially when the guy will actually talk to me for extended periods of time. I need that, and unfortunately Jay isn't much of a talker. So since conversation in the low points of my life is essential, I tend to get extremely attached to specifically males who fulfill this trait. I know you might be asking, if Jay can't do this, why bother with him? Well, I believe he fulfills enough of my other requirements in a relationship to let this slide. So that is my weakness. And I'm really tired of it. Can my heart just let me be? I have had enough to contend with, I don't need to deal with the musings of a crush that I should never allow to take shape. I have someone to love. The second is not needed, but it seems to be there. So I get to think about someone, but never letit go anywhere. No so bad I guess,it just drives me wild. So yes, if you were also wondering, I have fallen in love with someone over the internet. Yes, it is possible, even as pathetic as it sounds. I refuse to answer any questions as to this person's identity, I'd really rather keep this one to myself. And it's all new to me, having realized it only recently, so all the more reason to keep my secret. I'll just say that the feelings are there. I'm glad it's over the internet, I can just sit back and enjoy the feeling and never have to worry about the temptation were the person actually here. This person just has such a way with words that seems to help me out in any situation. It's beautiful. I love how this person is as honest to me as I am to him. That's very comforting.

Alright, enough musings. Time to sleep or do something more productive.
I cannot sleep. I think it has something to do with taking that 9 hour nap today when I came home. I couldn't help it; something made me super sick and I had to come home sick from work. Great first impression huh? First week of work and I already had to go home sick. I'm really hoping once I go to work tomorrow, I can talk to my traininer and talk things out. She tried to call me today and asked me to contact her, stating that "Communication is key". Unfortunately, I wouldn't of been able to contact her anyways, I just got the message at 6pm when she would have left already. I had my phone off and wasn't able to get out of bed anyways to answer any phones. I feared I might puke on the receiver!

Although I have a job now, something just doesn't feel right. On the first day of training I came home for lunch and was in a really good mood and Mom could tell I was becoming much happier. Tonight though, an overwhelming sense of lonliness has come over me. Great, I have a job. I really needed to get this job. I need to pay off my debts and raise money for University Technical Institute now that they have accepted me. I need to get out on my own. But I just feel like great, now I will have no life. I get up at 4am and get to work by 6am. Then I work until 2:30 pm.Great, I get off with part of the day still available. But, I come home an am already exhausted. I sit down to watch TV and fall asleep without realizing it. Then I wake up to eat some dinner and it's time to go back to bed to get enough sleep to get up at 4am. Mom says I will get used to it, but damn it. I feel as if my life has been taken from me. I know adults need to work to live, but I feel so lonely and it scares me. I haven't seen Jay since Sunday, which has felt like an eternity as I'm used to seeing him everyday. I really miss him a lot. I don't have any friends to hang out with at all. Most of them are in college and don't have time for me. I hardly get to spend time with even my parents.

If this is life as an adult, I hate it. It's depressing. I feel like such a baby for saying that, but that's really how I feel about it. I don't know how Dad can do this every day and call it a life. At least he lives with the woman he loves.

I'm getting naseous again, so I'll have to write more tomorrow after work or something.